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So, How...?
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So, How...?
Posted 09-06-2019 20:48:36
(This is very silly and not even remotely canonical, but it made me laugh while I was writing it, so I'm posting it.)
So, How...?
(Found in Ekaira's notes. Probably fictional. Probably.)
Well, you were brave enough to approach me without a red dragon at your back, so I'll humor you. For now. Ask away.
Of course. Everyone asks that. I should have known. So, how did I wind up all gemstones and pointy bits? What do you mean "wind up"? Don't you know I came out of the egg like this?
Yes, of course I was joking. Sheesh. Even the amber ones aren't smart enough to carry on a conversation. I'd be more likely to eat you for lunch than to talk with you. How did I really end up with inches-long daggers for fingers? Well, it turns out you should never tick off a pyro raptoria. One's not so bad, but they travel in packs.
No, of course that's not the truth. If it had been pyro raptoria, I'd be something a lot smaller and less dangerous. Maybe a toad or shink. Why would they pool their resources to change me into something that could eat them? So, how did I really end up with such a devastating smile? By learning the hard way that you should never pick up glowing gemstones if you're out in the mountains. Barely got the first one off the ground before my back started to ache and the gemstone started to look absolutely delicious.
No, you're right. That's not even a good story. Glowing gemstones just give you odd rashes. So, how did I wind up a menace to anyone too close to me when I turn around? Funny story, that. I was testing out a teleport spell when one of my gembeasts wandered through at just the wrong time. You think I look a fright? You should see how she turned out.
No, of course that's not it. If a teleport spell goes that badly wrong, they're burying you in a deep grave, if not in a matchbox. Possibly both. So, how did I really end up buying my meals from the local jeweler? I lost a bet. With Tathoes. Don't ask.
Of course it wasn't Tathoes. I do have some sense of self-preservation. So, how did I really end up shredding sheets to ribbons every time I roll over in bed? It was a spell, obviously - a study aid. The guy who gave it to me said it would make me sharper.
Yes, of course I made that up. Anyone with those skills wouldn't be giving out study aid spells to students. Okay, okay, I'll be serious now. So, how did I wind up an entry in a low-budget horror play? Beats me. I went to bed one night as an ordinary human - as ordinary as anyone around here ever gets, anyway - and woke up choking on feathers. Claws and pillows don't mix well, you see.
Right. I'm pulling your leg. I can't even claim to have made that one up. It's a very old story. So, how did I really wind up bald and annoyingly sparkly? I have no idea. You tell me.
So, How...?
(Found in Ekaira's notes. Probably fictional. Probably.)
Well, you were brave enough to approach me without a red dragon at your back, so I'll humor you. For now. Ask away.
Of course. Everyone asks that. I should have known. So, how did I wind up all gemstones and pointy bits? What do you mean "wind up"? Don't you know I came out of the egg like this?
Yes, of course I was joking. Sheesh. Even the amber ones aren't smart enough to carry on a conversation. I'd be more likely to eat you for lunch than to talk with you. How did I really end up with inches-long daggers for fingers? Well, it turns out you should never tick off a pyro raptoria. One's not so bad, but they travel in packs.
No, of course that's not the truth. If it had been pyro raptoria, I'd be something a lot smaller and less dangerous. Maybe a toad or shink. Why would they pool their resources to change me into something that could eat them? So, how did I really end up with such a devastating smile? By learning the hard way that you should never pick up glowing gemstones if you're out in the mountains. Barely got the first one off the ground before my back started to ache and the gemstone started to look absolutely delicious.
No, you're right. That's not even a good story. Glowing gemstones just give you odd rashes. So, how did I wind up a menace to anyone too close to me when I turn around? Funny story, that. I was testing out a teleport spell when one of my gembeasts wandered through at just the wrong time. You think I look a fright? You should see how she turned out.
No, of course that's not it. If a teleport spell goes that badly wrong, they're burying you in a deep grave, if not in a matchbox. Possibly both. So, how did I really end up buying my meals from the local jeweler? I lost a bet. With Tathoes. Don't ask.
Of course it wasn't Tathoes. I do have some sense of self-preservation. So, how did I really end up shredding sheets to ribbons every time I roll over in bed? It was a spell, obviously - a study aid. The guy who gave it to me said it would make me sharper.
Yes, of course I made that up. Anyone with those skills wouldn't be giving out study aid spells to students. Okay, okay, I'll be serious now. So, how did I wind up an entry in a low-budget horror play? Beats me. I went to bed one night as an ordinary human - as ordinary as anyone around here ever gets, anyway - and woke up choking on feathers. Claws and pillows don't mix well, you see.
Right. I'm pulling your leg. I can't even claim to have made that one up. It's a very old story. So, how did I really wind up bald and annoyingly sparkly? I have no idea. You tell me.
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Still on AO3 here - Forest of Mirrors, Dragon Cave, MagiStream, Jelle's Marble Runs, and original fiction.
Still on AO3 here - Forest of Mirrors, Dragon Cave, MagiStream, Jelle's Marble Runs, and original fiction.
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